What Is Self Love?

Self love is feeling refreshed and anew. It's taking gorgeously smelling baths, putting on a face mask, shaving, painting your nails.

Self love is dealing with and clearing the notifications you've been avoiding, and then turning your phone completely off.

Self love is going to sleep early, and not setting an alarm for the next morning.

Self love is making time to do the things you love; whether that's pursuing an art or training for a sport.

Self love is allowing yourself to treat yourself on a pizza, a cake, that fancy handbag, whatever.

Self love is buying and wearing the clothes that you want, and feeling good in them.

Self love is knowing that if you're in the middle of doing school work, and your head is getting dizzy, and your hands are starting to shake, it's time to go the fuck to sleep.

Self love is drinking a decent amount of water every day.

Self love is not comparing yourself to other people. Self love is not feeling the need to compete with them.

Self love is realising your worth and not letting anybody make you feel small.

Self love is letting go of grudges that you've been holding, and instead, forgiving others.

Self love isn't selfish. It's a priority.

Photo courtesy of Brandon Woelfel

Study Tips

Hi everyone! Hope your November is going well so far!

A couple of weeks ago, I finished two weeks of non-stop studying for my exams, and I barely survived. The peace of mind that has replaced my stress is so refreshing, I can hardly believe it myself. Between all the school work, I've been trying to cram as much as I can into my free time, so much that I can't even call it 'free' time anymore.

In high school, I used to be a really lazy person, I would hardly lift a finger to study for tests and exams. Evidently, it showed in my results. I barely graduated, just a fraction of a point less and I'd have to have done my senior year of high school all over again. Now, a couple years later, I'm in college, and I decided for myself that I needed to change if I wanted to do well. So when the first exams started looming around, I took it very seriously. I wrote my own summaries of nearly every subject. That's right, I wrote. Not typing, no. I wrote it all by hand in a little notebook. People have declared me crazy and my arm and shoulder actually started to hurt after a few days, but I did manage to get it in my head. I couldn't finish every single summary, because it was simply too much, but I could easily revise what I did write down.
All my results have already come in, and I passed them all! I couldn't have been happier when I found out that I didn't have to resit one single exam. Hopefully I can just keep this motivation up, because at this point, I'm just drained.

If you struggle to concentrate while studying or doing homework, here are some of my own tips and tricks that I use.

You probably know this of yourself already; but you should figure out whether you're a morning or night owl. If you're a morning person; go to bed early, get up early and get more work done. If you're a night owl; catch your sleep in the morning, and do your duties in the later hours of the day.
Seriously though, plan around a sleeping schedule that works for you and make sure you get enough sleep!! If you don't rest well, you won't be able to focus and that's already a bad start.

In my opinion, study groups are a great way to do your school work! You can help each other when you're stuck on something, and it makes it more fun as well. If you'd rather study alone, that's obviously fine too. However, don't forget to ask for guidance if you need some! Your peers are in the same boat, so they'll know how you feel. And don't feel afraid to even ask your teacher or lecturer for some more explanation. They're there to help you and are only one e-mail away. Trust me, everyone's happy to help.

Personally, I'm very prone to procrastination. I'll get distracted after trying to read two sentences. I'll scroll a little on my phone, or literally do anything else that has absolutely zero to do with school. If this sounds familiar, here are a few more tips on that.

Make sure your work space is clean. A messy desk means more distractions. I know when I have some notebooks or old magazines lying around, I'll just mindlessly page through them, while I usually never do that. The cleaner your desk, the less procrastinating, meaning you can actually get some work done.

And last but not least, probably the most important tip, yet so many people fail to do it; it's to PUT YOUR PHONE AWAY. And not just away as in stored away in your bag where you can't see it. The most effective way is to put it in another room altogether. Surely you can go a few hours without your phone. For me, it leads to me almost completely forgetting about it and I can properly concentrate on what I'm doing.

At the end of the day though, you've got to know when to put a stop to it. Your brain has its limits, and there's no use in forcing more information into it. I've stayed up well past midnight on some nights, and it would result in my mom come knocking on my door telling me I should go to sleep.

I say this with all honesty and sincerity, if I can do it, anybody can do it. Stay hydrated, take frequent breaks, chug a gallon of coffee and kick ass. Wishing you all the luck on any future exams to come!

Love, Faith

The One Memory of Flora Banks #BookClub

Hello and welcome to the second post in my book club!

I'm going to be reviewing The One Memory of Flora Banks by Emily Barr.

I'll start this off with giving you a very quick summary; Flora Banks is a 17-year-old girl who suffers from anterogade amnesia. She hasn't been able to make new memories since she was ten years old. But then one day she kisses a boy, and the next day she remembers it. She clutches onto that memory, and him, because she's so ecstatic about being able to recall something again.

Photo by me ©

I honestly can't tell you any more, or else it would give away too much!! So anyway, I think I finished this book in only a few days, and I've lost a couple of hours of sleep on it too. It's very quick to get into since it already starts out interesting. Note that I'm not a native English speaker, but there's no difficult language throughout the book and it was really easy to read through.

Believe it or not, but Flora is a bright and smart girl. She writes things down on her arms, notebooks or seperate notes to remind herself of important things. If not, she'll have a panic attack. This just means that Flora repeats some things over and over. Of course I understand the concept that she can't help it, but as the reader I find it just a tiny bit frustrating. But then again, the people around Flora probably do, too.

Also, there's a bit of secrecy weaved into the story. You only read snapshots from Flora's thoughts, and it's hard to decide whether or not to trust other people. It's not the most mysterious ever, but it left me with just enough unanswered questions to keep reading. As I went deeper into the story, my confusion just kept increasing, which made it near impossible to put the book down.

Nearing the end of the book, it's got a few little surprises in store. Some nice, some not so much. I thought that it was very bittersweet. It's kind of got an open ending, but there's an indication of what's going to happen next, and I found it very hopeful. It may sound like a love story at first impression, especially after the tiny summary, but it was only after I finished it, that I felt like it's rather a story about discovering who you are.

Overall, I really liked this book. It's a very interesting story and has a unique plot. It grabbed my attention from the moment I started reading and didn't let go until the very last sentence.

Love, Faith

Starting College

Hi everyone!

My life has been one hectic mess! Although, it's a good mess. I have finally started college and have just finished my second week of classes. The workload is a bit overwhelming, especially now in the beginning, but so far I'm still good. I'm quite prone to stress, but I hope that with lots of working ahead and good planning I'll be more than okay.

College – it sounds terrifying to me, yet to others it sounds like a fun challenge. I guess you could say I'm a bit of a latebloomer. I have never in my life been 100% sure of what I wanted to be when I grew up, let alone what I wanted to study. I think I've come to this point in life where I'm aware I might never know for sure and I've accepted it. This is why I've picked a very broad study course, which still gives me sufficient opportunities in different directions later on.

After graduating high school I got rejected from the college I originally wanted to go to and my parents couldn't accept the fact of me not going to school. So I picked a random study course and applied to another college in a rush. Big mistake right there. With all that pressure and remaining stress from my senior year in high school, I could not handle it for long. Before I knew it, I was having daily mental breakdowns and I dropped out. It was one of my darkest times and I was at an all time low.

After that was when I decided to take a deep breather and take back control of my life. I went on a plane to New York. Slowly but surely, I noticed my mental health improve and I felt genuinely happy for the first time in a long time. The city did wonders to me. It's where I discovered my love for writing, which I still hope will blossom into something worthwhile one day.

I knew that once my plane would land back in Amsterdam, the magical trip would be over and I'd actually have to figure out what to do with my life. I thought, studying international business still gives me many opportunities, and it helps me take a step closer to achieving my dreams; travelling the world and working in a foreign country.

So that's what I decided to do. And when I filled in my application, I actually felt pretty confident and excited about it. It's something I never thought I'd feel when applying for college. I'm still going to keep writing in my spare time, because it's what I now love to do, but I'm also aware that I need to focus on my education at this point in life. I'm blessed I've been given a second chance at shaping my future. I'm still young and I have faith that eventually I will figure it all out.

"There's something both exciting and terrifying about standing at the edge of a necessary unknown." – All Time Low

Love, Faith

Summer Days and Summer Nights #BookClub

Welcome to the first post in my book club!

I'm a huge bookworm, so I'm going to start writing reviews about the books that I read from now on. Don't worry, though, I will never give away too much of the stories! I'm not too fond of spoilers myself, and I'd hate to ruin it for anyone else.
(Also, just to clarify; none of the reviews that I'm going to be writing will be sponsored unless otherwise noted. I read all books because I'm genuinely interested in them and all opinions are mine and honest.)

I think the best way to start this off is to mention that I mainly read YA novels, romance genre in particular. I'm not sure why, I'm just a sucker for romantic stuff. Although, I'm starting to push myself to broaden my horizons. I'm eyeing some sci-fi and thriller books at the moment, and I really hope I can get more into those types of books.

Now let's get into the book review!

The first book that I'll be writing about is Summer Days and Summer Nights: Twelve Love Stories, edited by Stephanie Perkins. This anthology is written by twelve bestselling authors, including a story by Stephanie herself.

Photo by me ©

Let's start with the front cover. The title makes it obvious, all stories are set in summer time, that's no mystery. But my favorite thing about the cover is the tiny illustrations of people on there. 'Cause get this, all twelve stories have their own set of main characters on the cover. It makes me feel giddy and a little like an 8-year-old kid, but I just love flipping back to the front to figure out which character is who.

The thing I love most about an anthology is that I can read one story in one sitting and that's the end of it. I hate it when I put down a novel and then when I pick it up again, I have to read back a little to figure out what's happening again. Anthologies crush that concept. Sometimes I've only got a sliver of free time to spare and that's where one of these short stories come in handy.

This book's stories are very unpredictable. Since there's no summary of any of the stories, every one is a little surprise. I've found it's pretty diverse. You've got gay couples, fantasy and sci-fi stories and interracial couples. I'm pretty sure that something can be found for everybody. The catch is that you don't know what the story has in store, so don't be surprised when suddenly a mythical creature pops up.

Another thing I discovered about anthologies is that it's a great way to discover authors I otherwise wouldn't have known. Because of the short stories, I got a glimpse of their writing style and if I liked it, I could check out their other work.
But of course, you also take the risk that you stumble upon stories that are absolutely not your thing. There are a couple stories in here that were just really hard to read through because they were not my typical cup of tea. Or the ending was really disappointing, which made the overall story mediocre. It's quite frustrating, but at least now I know that those authors aren't something for me.

My favorite story out of all twelve is probably Stephanie Perkins' one. In Ninety Minutes, Turn North is actually a sequel story to It's a Yuletide Miracle, Charlie Brown from Stephanie's first anthology (more about that below). I really love her writing style and the characters' relationship develops so well in only two short stories, which is just really impressive to me.
Another personal favorite was Veronica Roth's Inertia. The Divergent author stays true to her style and has written a unique story with a bit of sci-fi sprinkled in.

It's really up to yourself whether you'd like to read an anthology or not. Like I said, you take the risk of reading some stories that are worse than others. But don't get me wrong, you can find hidden gems in anthologies too, and I have definitely found some.

Although autumn is starting to loom around, with these tales you'll sure be in the summer mood for a little while longer!

Happy reading!

Love, Faith

P.S. Be sure to check out Stephanie Perkins' first anthology; My True Love Gave To Me: Twelve Holiday Stories. Instead of summer, it's time for Christmas! It's perfect for when you want to curl up on the couch on a cold winter day. I know the holidays are still a few months away, but maybe it's something to put on your wishlist.

Life in New York

Hello!

It's time to talk about one of my favorite cities in the world; New York City. Read along and view my pictures of my adventures there.

In September of 2016 I went to New York and stayed all the way through May 2017. It was my first time ever in the USA. I guess you could call it a gap year, a little adventure before starting college. I attended a language school there to improve my English, so at least my mom wouldn't bother me with what she assumed would be, and I quote, "doing nothing all year". But I truly wanted to become better in English myself, and I have to say I really did notice how much easier it became to use. I was surrounded with all these people from all over the world so I was 'forced' to speak English. The classes weren't always as fun, however most teachers there were super chill and nice, so it made it all a bit better. This school was in Tarrytown, it's about a 40-minute train ride away from the city and it's right next to the Hudson River. School wasn't really a priority though, so I went to New York City a lot, or you know, as much as my wallet would allow me to.

You don't really need to go on both the Top of the Rock and the Empire State Building. Choose the Top of the Rock, this way you'll have the Empire State Building included in your view and you'll save a little money. 

The first time I went to the city was everything and more. I always tell myself to never set any expectations, so I won't be too disappointed if something doesn't live up to my imagination. It's a quote I read once; "Expect nothing, appreciate everything." But I think no matter how high your expectations of New York are, it will still manage to amaze you one way or another. 

If you've traveled around a little bit, I think you'll understand the feeling of seeing things on TV or online, and then the overwhelming feeling of seeing it in real life with your own eyes. Sometimes I really had to pinch myself to believe that what I was seeing was real and not just on a screen. For me, it's especially bad since I'm a huge Gossip Girl fan, and there's just dozens of spots in the city where they've recorded episodes. My personal favorite spot is the Bethesda Terrace and Fountain, where Blair and Chuck got married. I even got to witness an actual proposal and a wedding photoshoot there myself! I went back to the Bethesda Terrace several times. I absolutely loved to go there on a sunny day, go for a stroll in Central Park and then watch other people and tourists go about their day. 

I'm proud to say I've visited all 5 boroughs at least once, but Manhattan will always have a special place in my heart. It's the center of everything and the streets are so lively, at even the earliest (or latest) hours. This coming from a small town girl, it's impossible to say I'm not impressed. I was and still am in complete awe at how incredible it is.

I think one of my favorite things is how elaborate the holidays are celebrated. New York truly goes all out. Not to mention how fun an experience it was to go and eat an actual Thanksgiving dinner at an actual American family. My friends and I felt so welcomed and it was really interesting to chat with them. The food was so delicious, and at the end of the night I literally felt like my stomach was going to explode. (Seriously, how do Americans deal with a turkey that big?) And of course I couldn't miss out on Black Friday shopping the next morning. I didn't get ahold of that much stuff, but that's just because I'm picky. I wouldn't have wanted to miss it anyway.

Christmas decorations were done weeks in advance and I couldn't have loved it more if I wanted to. It's my favorite time of the year and to see people go to great lenghts to decorate made me want to jump of happiness. There was one day mid-December when I was in the city and I can't remember what exactly was happening on that particular day, but there were people dressed like Santa everywhere. I even saw someone dressed as Buddy from the movie Elf. It was my first time seeing something like that and I was so fascinated that I couldn't stop smiling.

One of the most popular sights in the city during Christmas is without a doubt the Rockefeller Center Christmas Tree. True as it is, it's a gorgeous tree, but to squeeze yourself into that mess of people is just like sending yourself into a panic attack. My advice is to dedicate one very early morning to it. Go there at 6am and I assure you, the peace is so refreshing. I shot this photo at six in the morning and there was only one other family there. 

The best way to get anywhere in New York is either by foot or with the subway. People in movies make it seem so fun and easy to haul over a yellow cab and smoothly drive from one place to another. Well, get your head out of the clouds. It'll take you forever to get somewhere if you're driving, especially in Manhattan. 

It's not that hard to figure out how the subway system works. I downloaded a map of the subway on my phone, so I could see where the nearest subway station was at all times. Get a metro card, fill it with money and you're good to go. 

As easy and convenient as the subway in New York is, one thing I really liked was just walking. I know it's not really for everybody, but I just loved strolling through the streets of Manhattan, either with friends or on my own. I was finally there and my time was limited, so I wanted to see as much of the city as I could. 

If you didn't know, I'm telling you now; Manhattan has numbered streets. I didn't know this before I got there and it's made my life so much easier. It makes navigating and remembering key points a piece of cake. The fact that Grand Central Terminal is on 42nd St. is basically stomped into me. Times Square is in the same street but on 7th Avenue so you gotta walk a couple blocks. And 5th Avenue's Barnes and Noble is on 46th St. I doubt I'm ever forgetting those because it's just become common knowledge to me now. 

Another little money-saving tip; actually going to Liberty Island to see the Statue of Liberty is overrated, expensive and, if it's during peak tourist season, time consuming. The lines will be so long it'll make you dizzy. Instead, take the South Ferry to Staten Island. It's completely free and goes every half an hour. You'll get a nice view of the statue and a little bit of the New York skyline. When you get to Staten Island you can either explore over there or wait half an hour and take the next ferry back to Manhattan. 

As magical as New York is, it's got its downsides. I can't even begin to tell you how ridiculously overpriced everything is. Not to mention that the taxes and tips in restaurants were a real pain in the ass. Pretty much everyday I'd hear at least one person complain about the prices of a train ticket. Over $20 for one roundtrip? That's honestly freaking insane. 

Then there's that thing that New York isn't the absolute safest place on earth. Manhattan is still okay, especially on the upper side, but outside that I can't help but feel that it's a bit sketchier. Maybe it's just my paranoia from having lived in the safety of a small town. All I'm saying is that you should just be careful and be alert. 

Other than that though, the city is absolutely lovely. The people are overall really nice, there's endless things to do and tons and tons of restaurants to try out. Seriously, don't go to generic fast food chain restaurants. Go and explore Hell's Kitchen or Chelsea Market for some of the best dishes. You won't be disappointed. 

The phrase "Stand clear of the closing doors, please." haunts me in my dreams. Jay-Z and Alicia Keys' Empire State of Mind makes me cringe but also jump up and go into full-on karaoke mode. I can't help but continue to pronounce "coffee" in a New York accent. And yet I wouldn't change these things for the world. These are what have made me a New Yorker, even if it was temporary. 

If I could rewind time and explore everything all over again, I would. I've had good and bad experiences, but all of it has shaped and changed me for the better. I've realized and discovered things about myself, and now I know myself better. I felt so much healthier and happier at the end of my trip than at the beginning, and I couldn't be more thankful. 

New York City will always have a special place in my heart. 

I've got more photos attached below! Go on and have a look. 

"I feel a little like Alice in Wonderland." 

"Manhattan will do that to a girl. You'll be happy to know, it never wears off." 

Love, Faith

Chuck Bass' hotel! I might or might not have freaked out when I found this. 

I don't have a proper picture, but in December you should definitely visit the Christmas market in Bryant Park. The place that you see in this photo will be entirely full of little stands that sell food, souvenirs, and other little bits and pieces. You can stroll through and it's just got the nicest Christmas vibe ever. Plus, there's even an ice skating rink! 

(Yes, I'm aware of the fact that my eyes are closed here.)

All photos are mine ©

Sleepless Nights

Hey guys!

First off, I apologize for not posting in 2 weeks. I've been prepping for college and spending a lot of time with my family, so I've temporarily taken a step back from writing. But I'm back now, with an extra long post for your enjoyment.

I bet everyone has had those kind of nights where insomnia is just kicking you right in the face. You twist and turn under your covers, but you just can't seem to fall asleep, even when you're exhausted. It messes up your sleeping schedule and you're tired literally all the time. I had this problem a few weeks ago, and to make things even worse, it was a couple nights in a row.
So, I dived into the wonders of the internet and personal history to provide you with tips that might help you fall asleep.

Let's start with my favorite tip; listening to either music or other soothing sounds. I especially love the sound of rain, it calms me down and I'll be put to sleep in no time. Although I haven't tried ocean sounds or white noise yet, that might help too.
My cousin can fall asleep when her music's really loud, whereas I can only stand it on the lowest volume. One time she was taking a nap without headphones and when I turned the music down a little, she literally woke up and asked me if I could turn it back up.
It all really depends on personal preference, so you should definitely try everything out and see what works best.

This problem only applies if it's summer or if you live somewhere hot. It's literally impossible for me to fall asleep comfortably in heat. I'm glad I live in a little country where the sun only makes an appearance five times a year, but still. I'm not a huge fan of the fan (ha ha). I don't want to point it directly at me, because that's too much, and if I turn it away, it's too little and I get hot again. It works for some, not for me. I prefer to open my window just a crack, so I can let some cool air in.

Another thing I do is read. I'll read a few chapters of the novel that I'm currently reading, yet it doesn't always help. I tend to get a little too excited and then I don't want to stop reading anymore, so it's not the best thing for me, but I like it. Although I sometimes really do feel myself getting tired while reading. When my eyelids start to feel heavy, I know it's time to put it away or I'll fall asleep with the book still in my hands. I'd be lying if I said that hasn't happened before. My mom used to suggest to read books from school, because she says it'll 'bore me to sleep'. I mean, it's worth a shot.

Something that I struggle with a lot is the fact that I have a lot of thoughts floating around in my head. With my anxiety, it happens quite often that I overthink and then it's in the middle of the night and I'm laying in bed wide awake wondering what I'm doing with my life. I've mentioned in a previous post that I keep a Post-it pad next to my bed, but a little journal could also work in this case. I just write down whatever's bothering me, so it's out of my mind for the time being. It really does help to relieve some stress, even if it's for a little while so you can fall asleep in peace.

As a kid, I always had a nightlight in my room. I'd be scared to death if I didn't have one. Now though, I can't sleep unless it's pitch black. I have a roll-down shutter in front of my window which I roll down to make my room even darker. I believe it's also healthier to sleep in an as dark as possible space and then wake up from natural daylight. I always leave a little slit from my shutter open to allow sunlight to stream in when the mornings hit.

A little trick that's handy for anyone with an iPhone; night shift mode. I only recently discovered this feature and I use it everyday now. I'm not the most tech-savvy person, so I'm not too sure how to accurately explain this, but it's to lessen the blue light from your screen. It makes your screen a more yellow-y color that's designed to make you fall asleep easier. You can find it in your control panel when you swipe up on your screen or install it so it automatically turns on everyday. I've got it installed from 9pm till' 6am, so I can be sure that it's already been on for a few hours before I go to sleep and it'll be off by the time I wake up the next day.

Even with all these tips, everyone is different and there are dozens of other methods to help you fall asleep. Try warm milk or meditation exercises for instance. Make sure you get your fair share of sleep, because it's got so many benefits for your health.

Sweet dreams, Faith

Living With Anxiety

Hi guys!

I'd like to touch on a subject that is close to my heart and that I relate to a lot, as I'm sure a lot of others do too. I suffer from a mental illness; anxiety, and then especially social anxiety. People tend to mix it up with being nervous, shy or reserved, but it's so much more complicated than that. I'll break it down for you as best as I can. Please note that everyone with anxiety experiences it in a different way, so not everyone will apply to it in the same way. This is just my story.

Anxiety involves constant overthinking and creating completely unlikely and ridiculous scenarios in my head, but it's hard to stop them. Except for the people that I'm closest with, which is a very small circle, I will always feel anxious around other people. My stress levels will reach an all time high and all I can think are things like; "Is my make-up / hair okay?" "Did I just laugh a little too loud?" "Why can't I think of something to say?" "Oh God, they must think I'm boring." And this list goes on and on with an endless number of insecurities that makes me want to lock myself up in my room forever and not interact with another person ever. Because I'm always that nervous around people, it means that conversations drain the energy out of me. After any social event, even if it's a small informal one, I can't think of anything but crawl right back into bed and sleep.

My anxiety gets worse when I'm alone especially. If I'm hanging around with friends or family, I can manage to zone out the rest of the world. Even though I still get a little anxious, it's still a huge relief to decrease the overthinking. However when I'm alone, I'm suddenly very aware of the fact that I'm alone. There's no one to distract me from my thoughts, so they start building up more and more. This is the reason why I don't like going out on my own.

When a group of people near me bursts into laughter, 9 out of 10 times I'm afraid they're laughing about me. I'm thinking this is because of early years of people openly judging me. I've been bullied and made fun of before, and it inevitably resulted into me trying to act as 'normal' as possible so I don't attract any attention, because that's the last thing I want. If I can just be quiet and blend into the crowd, I think people won't notice me.

Don't even get me started on giving any kind of presentations. I literally want to disappear whenever I'm standing in front of a class and all eyes are pierced on me. I lose my concentration to focus and I stumble over my own words, every single time. I've done dozens of presentations over the past few years and I've still not gotten over that fear. And do not tell me the "imagining everyone in their underwear" trick works, because it does not work for me. In my case, it feels as if I am the one in my underwear.

I think one of my worst habits that I have because of anxiety is that I lie, a lot. I lie to get out of any social events. I lie to not seem like a weirdo. I lie to teachers, to my parents, I even lie to friends. Close ones. It's just that my anxiety builds up and I panic, so I think of an excuse, any excuse. So far, it's never been anything too big or scandalous, but I hate myself for doing this all the time. It's exhausting, and yet I can't seem to stop. I really hope that one day I do.

I'm pretty sure I'm forgetting tons of other things right now, but I feel like I've summarized the main parts pretty well. It's hard for me to explain it in way so that other people can understand what I'm feeling.

Even though I'm aware that it's bad I'm not doing anything about my mental state professionally, like seeing a therapist, I've seen people writing amazing things about it online and it's helped me so far so good. But I'm afraid that one day my bucket will overflow. That one day that one tiny drop that falls into it is too much to carry and that I'll break down. I have seriously thought about going to seek professional help several times, but I would have to talk to my parents about it first. And trust me when I tell you that's going to be one long, tiring, frustrating conversation. I am thankful that I have people in my life that help and support me as much as they can, but they can only do so much. So I'm urging everyone else that struggles, please talk to someone you trust and do something about it. Mental health is something that gets overlooked far too often and it's just a shame.

"Sometimes the quiet ones are yelling on the inside." – Connor Franta

Stay strong always. You're not alone.

Love, Faith

The Meaning of City Dove

Hi everyone!

Time to reveal what 'city dove' really means. 

I can't take full credit for the name. It's actually a title from a song by Tori Kelly. I fell in love with the song from the instant I listened to it and it's still close to my heart till' this day. I thought it was very unique so I wanted to know more about it. What was Tori's personal meaning of the song? I went into research and found a tweet of hers. It said: "we are destined for something greater than ourselves". Looking at the lyrics, this is obviously more of a figurative meaning. She's singing about not knowing what's to come in her life, but she will remain calm and confident. I aspire to have that kind of attitude towards life. I'm the stressiest person ever and I know that life is one big old black hole that I have no choice other than to step into. I know that I can't always have everything figured out and I will make mistakes while stumbling through it all, but that should be okay. That's life.

Listen to the song here: https://play.spotify.com/track/3gXi0k45yBjtKors1f7CO8

Even though I absolutely adore the meaning Tori has for her song, I also like to look at it in a more literal way. Travelling is one of my biggest passions and I see myself as a 'dove' flying from city to city. In a way, over time, the phrase has come to define me. It's now practically impossible for me to imagine a life without it. It doesn't matter how many years pass, I know that it will still mean as much to me in the future, if not more.

Photo is mine ©

A couple months ago I officially got 'CITY DOVE' branded on me! It's tiny but it's perfect and exactly what I've been dreaming about for almost two years. (Endless thanks to JK Kim, the tattoo artist who made this happen! Follow her on instagram: @jk.tat) I silently thank Tori everyday for creating a song that's become so special and important to me. Although I'd probably cry my eyes out, I truly hope that one day I can tell her in person.

Fly high,

Faith

Los Angeles Photo Diary

Hi everyone!

Let's be real, trips without parents or guardians are always the best. I love that feeling of utter and complete freedom. While I was staying in New York, my friend and I decided to explore the west coast of the USA. This was in April earlier this year, during our spring break. The weather was just warm enough to get out our dresses and shorts, but not too hot that we'd only want to lay under a fan all day. It was the perfect middleground. We were planning on doing a road trip first, but due to lack of money, we couldn't hire a car so we decided to just stay in L.A., which turned out to be just as great.

Los Angeles is a very lively city, and something that really stood out to me was how rich and poor areas blend together. I could've been walking in a business filled street, and then I'd turn a corner and suddenly I could feel it was unsafer somehow. It was slightly unsettling at times, but really interesting to experience at the same time. Nonetheless, everyone that I met there had been really nice. A big difference I noticed between Los Angeles and New York City is that people in L.A. find it much easier to speak up to you, whether it's to give you a compliment, to help you out when you're noticably struggling with something or even just to chat. Almost everyday, people would give us recommendations of places to eat, see and explore, from random strangers on the street to our Uber drivers.

Speaking of, it was the first time we started using Uber, and I think our feet would have been sore for a few weeks straight without. Take it from me that you might need an Uber to get anywhere in L.A., since everything is so far apart. However, it's obviously not the worst to take a hike now and then. Whether we were walking or in a car, I always took note of my surroundings. Pretty much everywhere I went, I'd see palm trees. I loved them and they made me feel like it was the middle of summer. After several months between New York's sky-high buildings, I loved the temporary switch to something a bit more raw.

Scroll through some of my favorite snaps I've made while we explored in and around the City of Angels, and read some more of my thoughts that I added to the captions!

Almost right across from Grand Central Market, you can find the Bradbury Building. A local saw us with our cameras and he was kind enough to recommend some nice places to photograph, including this one. You're free to go inside and roam around the ground floor. Up until you've reached the top of the first flight of stairs, you're not allowed in any further, but that shouldn't be too big a problem, as you can already see how beautiful the architecture inside is. With the matching tones of black and brown, the attention to details, and the way it was all naturally lit by a skylight, I could've stood there and admired it for hours.

Fun fact: Beverly Hills painted its fire hydrants silver because they didn't want to have the same looking ones as Los Angeles, since L.A. is perceived as poorer than them. A bit excessive, if you ask me.

My first time trying In-N-Out Burger! It was good, I can't deny that, but Shake Shack is better in my opinion. I guess living on the east coast left its mark on me.

The Griffith Observatory was probably by far one of my favorite spots we've visited. It's got gorgeous views of both the Hollywood sign and the L.A. skyline, but those aren't the only things to it. Inside, you can learn all about things related to space. I was, being a huge nerd for interesting facts, in absolute awe with the entire place. We spent most of our afternoon and evening there, and we even dined there. We saw an exhibition that explained how northern lights work and after sunset, we were allowed to look through a big telescope. That evening, we were able to see Jupiter. By that time, we were also witnessing the stunning skyline of Los Angeles at night. I couldn't take my eyes off of the sight, it was such a mesmerizing and beautiful view, my friend had to basically pull me away.

If you're ever in Universal Studios, do not skip out on the studio tour. It can take up to an hour, which admittedly is a tad long, but you can see sets from actual movies or TV shows, and that is just a once in a lifetime experience. My favorite; the set of The Grinch. 

All photos taken by either my friend or myself ©

Los Angeles had been one of my dream places to go for several years, and I'm so happy I've gotten the opportunity to cross it off my list. It's an entire world so different from what I'm used to, but I really do adore the vibe, the people, and the weather. I will definitely revisit whenever I get the chance again.

Love, Faith

Carpe Diem

Hey, everyone!

Due to very recent events, my parents have become slightly paranoid that if I step outside the house, something terrible is going to happen to me, *knocks on wood*. Obviously I understand their concern, they just want me to be safe. But locking myself up in my room is not the way to live either.

I'd been planning and looking forward to attend three concerts in the past two months, and I had to miss out on every one of them, partially because my parents wouldn't allow me to go. I can't even begin to explain how much it emotionally hurts me to pass up an opportunity to see my favorite artists live. I'm a huge concert lover, and I will continue to attend them in the future. I feel most alive while dancing and singing along to my favorite songs being performed live. The thrill and excitement of being in the same room as those artists, plus hundreds or thousands of people attending for the same reason, it gives me an endless amount of joy.

As you already know, I love to travel. I want to see the world, so I will continue travelling. Car and plane accidents can happen at any moment, and yet I'm not scared to step into either one. The chance that something goes wrong is so small it's almost non-existent.
To go out there and travel is the best way to see and learn more about this planet, and trust me when I say it can do wonders for your soul. At least with travelling, I'll be doing something that I love, and isn't that what's most important? I refuse to let myself live a miserable life just because it's potentially unsafe. To live life is dangerous. I will not be afraid of taking risks, no matter how small or big, because I know I'll proudly look back on it someday.

Wall art in Los Angeles. Photo by me ©

Do not let fear stop you from doing the things that you love. Go ahead and leave your mark on this world. Your life is not measured by how long you live, it's measured by the goals you reach.

"I'd rather die on an adventure than live standing still." – V.E. Schwab

Lots of love, Faith

Get To Know Me

Happy Monday!

It's a beautiful 28°C degrees here, I'm sipping some coffee and thought I'd type out a little post. As this is my second post on this blog, I figured I'll just let you get to know me a little better. I found some "Get To Know Me" questions, which are actually for a YouTube tag, but I mean, I might as well answer them right here!

1. What is your middle name?
I don't have one, but I do however have a Chinese name. This is how you write it: 刘佩真.

2. What is your favorite color?
My favorite color is purple and has been for a very long time. I find almost any shade of purple nice, but I especially love lilac.

3. Who was your first best friend?
My first best friend was a girl that I'd met when I was around 4 years old. We were friends all the way through elementary school until we seperated ways, when we went to different secondary schools. It was only then that I realized how wrong we were for each other. I was a very quiet and shy girl, and I kind of just followed her around and did whatever she wanted. I'm actually very glad I got out of that.

4. How tall are you?
I'm 1.70m. If I'm not mistaken, in feet that's about 5'5/5'6.

5. Cats or dogs?
Dogs, definitely. I like cats, don't get me wrong, but dogs are just my favorite. I'd really love to have one of my own, but my parents aren't as keen about a pet that requires so much attention. When I move out, I will for sure consider getting one.

6. Funniest moment throughout school?
It's hard to pinpoint only one funny moment, but one thing I'll never forget is when I was in secondary school, a couple of my friends and me were in the art classroom creating decorations for Valentine's Day. The thing is, we came in via another connected classroom and closed the door because the teacher was still teaching a class over there. We sat in the other room for so long that we didn't realize the students and teacher had left and locked the door. So we sat there with about six people locked up with absolutely no way out. One of my friends decided to climb through the window and walk across the roof to the next room to get help. It was just so hilarious.

7. How many countries have you visited?
Same number as this question, 7! Belgium, France, United Kingdom, Switzerland, Italy, USA and China (including Hong Kong).

8. Are you in / have you gone to college?
I'm going to college right after this summer!

9. What was your favorite / worst subject in high school?
My favorite subject in the first few years would have had to be art, because it felt very freeing and I could do what I wanted, but over the years English had also become a favorite.
My worst subject was without a doubt history. I just completely sucked at it and it took all my motivation for studying away.

10. What is your favorite drink?
Coffee! Seriously, I wouldn't survive without.

11. What is your favorite animal?
Tigers, they're just so fierce and beautiful and I just adore them. Also, my Chinese zodiac is a tiger, hah.

12. What is your favorite perfume?
Heat Rush by Beyoncé. Some of you might know, she's got a whole range of scents, and this is the one in the orange bottle. That was actually my first purchase of a fragrance ever, and I didn't even buy it for myself originally. I had bought it for Mother's Day, but my mom ended up not really using it, so I kind of claimed it back.

13. Tea or coffee?
I think we've established I really like coffee, but I wouldn't say no to tea either. It really just depends on my mood.

14. What would you name your children?
I have thought about this before, but not with 100% seriousness. I'm still young, after all. I did always like the sound of 'Luna', though, so if I ever get a girl, that could be an option.

15. What sports do you play / have you played?
I don't do any specific sports right now apart from a bit of fitness from time to time. I used to take swimming lessons and after that I'd taken over three years of streetdance classes. I really enjoyed those, and have even performed in front of audiences several times. However, I eventually had to stop because school work was taking up too much time. If I'm being honest, I do really miss dancing, and would not hesitate to pick that back up again.

16. What is your favorite book?
If you know me well, this shouldn't be hard, because it's basically the only thing I ever talk about. It's Beautiful Disaster by Jamie McGuire. Essentially, it's about a good girl named Abby and a bad boy named Travis who become friends. Abby tries to keep everything platonic, but that doesn't go as well as she thought it would. It sounds very predictable and maybe a bit cliché, but I swear it's such an incredible book and I very highly recommend to check it out if you like romance / drama stories. Jamie is an amazing writer and deserves all the praise! (And if you finish that, also check out Walking Disaster, the same story but told from Travis' perspective.) (There are many more books in the entire series! You can check them all out on Jamie's website: jamiemcguire.com) (This is not a sponsor I swear, I just really love the books.)

17. Who are some of your favorite YouTubers?
I have a lot of YouTubers that I adore, but the one that I watch the most is Zoe Sugg aka Zoella. I hardly ever miss a video or vlog. She's such an inspiration and her positivity and joyfulness is contagious. I love following her and seeing her go about her daily life.
I also love Jess & Gabriel Conte. I've only started watching them recently, but the first video I saw of them was the one of their wedding and I was immediately hooked. Their story is so special and unique and they're so incredibly ambitious, I love that about them.

18. What is your favorite movie? 
Like my favorite book, something I can never seem to shut up about; The Vow. The lead roles are played by Channing Tatum and Rachel McAdams, two actors whom I adore. It's a pretty known movie, but it's basically about a married couple, Leo and Paige, they get into a car accident and Paige loses her memory from the past five years. She doesn't remember being married or even have met Leo and he obviously tries everything he can to make her remember him and fall in love with him again. Might sound a bit cheesy, but I'm a hopeless romantic and I have shed many tears watching and re-watching this movie.
A very close second is Divergent, but that might just be only because I love seeing Theo James in action.

19. Are you single or taken? 
Single, have been my whole life.

20. What's your idea of an ideal first date? 
I hate making conversation, because I always run out of things to say and make things more awkward than they have to be. So anything to keep active is always good for me. There's a fun fair in my town twice every year, which sounds like a really fun thing to go to on a date.

21. How many girlfriends / boyfriends have you had? 
None! There was a time that I'd been on a few dates with a guy, but that didn't really turn into anything. It was very awkward and I just couldn't get comfortable around him, so I stopped seeing him pretty quickly.

22. Favorite memory from childhood? 
This would probably be the time I went to Keukenhof. It's a place in the Netherlands and it's basically a huge flower park. Everywhere you walk you see flowers. I went there with my family and at the time I loathed everything; the heat, the walking, the endless picture taking. But looking back at it now, it was actually a pretty good time.

23. Do you speak any different languages and how well? 
Yes! Apart from Dutch, I speak English quite fluently (figures). I speak Cantonese-Chinese because I speak that at home, and a teeny tiny bit of Mandarin-Chinese, it's very bad but I can manage to follow some conversations without difficulty. Then French and German, which are both on quite a low level, but I'm able to translate things slowly, and maybe with a little bit of help.

24. Do you have any siblings? 
Yes, I have one sister. She's 14 years old, making her about 4 years younger than me. We're very close.

25. How would you describe your fashion sense? 
Hard to say. I don't feel right limiting my style to only a few sentences. If I had to just summarize it quickly though, I'd say I like to keep things simple. Most days I'm good with a good pair of black skinny jeans, a T-shirt and some black sneakers. Apart from a watch and maybe a necklace, I don't fuss around too much with accessories. Nothing with too much print or text. I love to get something basic and then just mix and match it with what I already have.

26. What is your favorite restaurant? 
I recently ate brunch at a restaurant called Bagels & Beans in Breda (The Netherlands). I've got to say that is surely some of the best food I've had in a while. It's definitely worth a visit.

27. What are some of your favorite TV shows? 
Gossip Girl, Friends and How I Met Your Mother are shows that I can just keep rewatching without it ever getting boring. Some others are Stranger Things, The 100 and Modern Family.

28. PC or Mac? 
I'm currently using a Macbook and I have to say I just love using it, so yeah, Mac.

29. What phone do you have? 
iPhone 7. I got it almost right after it launched last year, but to be honest I only got it because my previous phone broke down and I needed a quick replacement. I'm slightly gutted that I didn't get the 7+ instead because of the insane pictures it takes, but it's alright, I would've found it too big anyway.

30. Tell us one of your bad habits! 
I'm one of the most impatient persons you'll ever meet. I hate waiting and if in any situation I have to wait for something, I'll complain about it out loud if not in my head.

Hope you enjoyed reading these! Until next time!

Love, Faith

Welcome!

Hello everyone!

If you've stumbled upon my little blog, allow me to introduce myself!

My name's Faith and I'm a 19-year old girl from the Netherlands, born and raised. Both my parents are from China, making me 100% Chinese by blood, but deep in my heart I'm a Dutchie. So, I was raised bilingually; I speak Dutch and Cantonese-Chinese (I say this even though my Chinese sucks, oops). Maybe it's the fact that I was raised with two completely different languages that caused this, but over the years I discovered that I had quite the skills for learning new languages. English has always been rather easy, and I loved French from the moment I started. In my second year of secondary school, I was juggling 7 different languages at once; Dutch, Chinese, English, French, German, Latin and Greek. However, that didn't last long. I quickly dropped Latin and Greek because they were just too hard to handle for me. And even though I'm not fluent in French and German, I am able to understand parts of it, if you just give me a little time to figure it out. Now, five years later, I'm about to add Spanish to the list and I'm creating a blog fully in English, so bear with me if I make any grammar/spelling mistakes or if I mix up British-English and American-English, I'm only human!

With my huge interest for languages, I think it's safe to say that's one of the main reasons why I've come to love travelling. But there are so many other valuable reasons too. Even though I can't remember it, my first time on a plane was when I was two years old. My grandparents on my mother's side are still living in China, so I visit them whenever I can, about every few years. Until about age 14, I hadn't gone to any other countries other than Belgium, China and France. After that, something inside me switched, and I asked my parents to take me to other countries. So in the summer of '13, we went to the UK for the first time. I had a great time, but I think my love for travelling really started on a school trip to Paris not long after that. See, the thing is, whenever I went on holiday with my parents, they booked us a guided tour. I absolutely loathed them and it ruined most of the experiences for me. On the Paris trip, my teacher obviously showed us around, but we had more freedom. We weren't stuck to a tight schedule. I discovered the exhilirating feeling of exploring on your own and I fell in love with it. That was only a couple years ago. Since then, I've been to Switzerland, Italy, Paris again, Los Angeles, plus I've spent a beautiful 8 months in New York (which I will tell more about later!).

The world is so huge and there's so many more places for me to wander around. I'm absolutely gutted at my younger self for not pushing my parents earlier to take me to different countries, but I'm not too bothered about it. It just means I can go out and travel more on my own right now. I'm already saving up for my next adventure.

Travel is one of my biggest passions, I could tell you so much more and I will. But that's not the only thing I'll be writing about. This blog captures my life, my thoughts, my experiences, my dreams and aspirations.
I hope you'll stick by me as I jump aboard this train. Next stop; to be announced.